Gloria: Seriously, did they get together that morning to decide on a theme?
Blanche: And was that theme ‘Corky Romano Goes To Church’?
(via fuckyeahglambert)
“How about no?”
I know, this is just turning into an American Idol fan blog. But this picture was just too good not to post.
-Blanche
Ho my gee: The new way to say ‘OhmyGod’ or ‘OMG’ or ‘Oh My G-D’. Anyway ho my gee. We’re starting it. It’s all happening.
(from left to right: guy, guy, GUY FROM SHIRTLESS PICTURE W/ ADAM LAMBERT, DANIEL ALLEN AKA KRIS ALLEN’S BROTHER, guy)
shitsandiggles: this has SO MANY IMPLICATIONS
blanche: i mean, this is the real treasure
gloria: i’m actually dying
there was a time and a place where this happened and i just wish i had been there.
-Gloria
Let's Discuss What. Just. Happened.
Blanche: Ok. Real quick. Let's talk about Katie Holmes on SYTYCD.
Gloria: As I said, she sucked so hard she left a hickey on my soul.
Blanche: You know, I gotta rewatch this. I'll see you on the other side of Joey Luft.
Gloria: I forgot about Joey Luft. His presence did not suck. His presence elevated the whole evening.
Blanche: Remember the weird set of the Cat/Kat interview and those awkward close-ups? It was like a parody of itself. It looked like the set of a Clearasil commercial starring Kate Jackson.
Gloria: Strangely though, Katie Holmes may be the only person who makes Cat look just normal and not stunningly beautiful. But if you actually listen to what Katie Holmes is saying, it makes absolutely no sense whatsover.
Blanche: If you watch it with the sound off, honestly they could be shilling Activia. For when you're feeling irregular.
Gloria: The words are English but the syntax is all thetan.
Blanche: Joey Potter is seriously prettier now than she's ever been. And she's still got that half-smile.
Gloria: It's true. But her beauty is inversely proportional to her talent. She can barely speak. Joey Potter was fucking smart.
Blanche: I have to give her props for appearing in one of my fave movies ever though, WONDER BOYS. In which she seduces Michael Douglas in red cowboy boots. Can I get a 'You Go Glen Coco?'
Gloria: And I will take those props right back for MAD MONEY.
Blanche: Ok ok ok. Let's talk about the routine. Choreographed by our own Tasty Oreo.
Gloria: What exactly did he choreograph, besides the deep bow (classic Tasty Oreo)? Because to my untrained eye, it looks exactly like Judy Garland's number, but slightly less difficult.
Blanche: Tyce-'This car pulling up on the street? It's like a tick...that's a carrier of LYME'S DISEASE. Because...I really wanted to talk about LYME'S DISEASE...with this dance.'
Gloria: Mia-'Sob, sob sob, my DADDY had lyme's disease'-Mia Michaels (Editor's note: Daddy is possibly Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran)
Blanche: Katie Holmes can work a pleated skirt like nobody's business.
Gloria: Her costume looked like her mom sewed it for her dance recital circa 1994. And the singing was exponentially worse than the last time I heard her sing, which was 'On My Own' on a very special episode of DAWSON'S CREEK.
Blanche: Oh, how I remember those days on the Creek. That outdoor set by the way? Travesty. Was that Tyce's garage? Leave it to SYTCYD to make what is possibly a very expensive set look like an airport lounge.
Gloria: It made no sense and it placed the whole thing in the context of being pre-taped which automatically raised the stakes. And her lip-syncing!!!! The blind American Idol did a better job.
Blanche: I think you mean Scott Joplin Wonder Showzen McIntyre.
Gloria: PS, Drake Labry looks like a Hot Mess backstage. Get away from our boy.
Blanche: I saw that!
Gloria: He is a dirty, dirty, methed out Shia LaBoeuf.
Blanche: Srlsy, Adam's taste in men is SUSPICIOUS.
Gloria: I am trying to figure out who in the bubble tweet laughs and repeats the word 'Queen' after Matt says it. And I think it's Kris. But it could be Anoop. Or Scott Joplin Wonder Showzen McIntyre's brother.
Blanche: How brilliant is Scott Joplin Wonder Showzen McIntyre.
Gloria: Amahzing.
Blanche: Cause it's Scott Joplin and Stevie Wonder with a dash of Wonder Showzen.
Gloria: LOL
Blanche: As Judy/Rufus would say 'just a touch...just...a touch.'
ENTRE'ACTE
Blanche: Ok, I'm finally up to the 'dancing' part of this 'dance.' And I still maintain that Britney could have done this better, even in her 2007 breakdown period when she was sniffing paint and fucking oxen by the OK corral. Still so much betta.
Gloria: I said it last night and I'll say it again. Britney coulda sung it better, she coulda danced it better, and she-believe it or not-coulda done it with more class and grace.
Blanche: The thing about Britney is, even when she forgets the choreography, she still brings the 'tude. And that is what this routine is missing. It's all salt not enough pepper. All vanilla not enough sprinkles. All Scott Joplin Wonder Showzen McIntyre, not enough Adam and Eve Best be wearing Sparkle Motion Glambert.
Whoever captioned this video speaks for me.
-Gloria
